Our roadmap is a series of panic attacks with deadlines.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We don’t have users, we have survivors.

We got accepted into an accelerator. Now we burn money faster.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

We have an amazing retention. We removed the unsubscribe button.

We have one strikingly growing KPI. Our churn rate.

After many months of hard work, we finally reached product-market confusion.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

Our business plan is just 'AI' written 37 times.

We're D2C: Desperate to Convert.

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.

We A/B tested our landing page. Both versions failed.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

We pivoted from a failed startup into a podcast about it.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

Our users love us. Both of them.

Our app does one thing well: crash.