We spent 3 months on logo, 3 minutes on product.

We were profitable once — in a simulation.

Our KPI is just how many times we say 'synergy' in meetings.

95% of our valuation comes from our domain name.

We reached a one billion dollars valuation. In Zimbabwean dollars.

Our MRR stands for 'Mostly Rhetorical Revenue'.

Our growth hack was changing fonts and praying.

We're agile: we run in circles, fast.

We pitched to 50 VCs. 52 said no.

Our mothers don't understand any sentence in our pitch deck. Neither does our team.

We reached a hockey stick growth. Of our AWS costs.

We pivot so often our GPS gave up.

We raised a seed round. Now we can afford chairs.

We raised a pre-seed round. We now have enough funds to build our pitch deck for the seed round

We are fully bootstrapped. Mostly because nobody wants to fund us.

We have 14 daily users. And 20 employees...

We outsource everything. Particularly, accountability.

Our users loved the product… until they realized it wasn’t free.

Our tech debt is so big it now has interests.

Our app does one thing well: crash.